“Love conquers all”
Just in case the holidays left you with the feeling Scrooge had invaded your body here are some tips to get yourself back on track.
Remember to do something for yourself only
Remember your mom or dad probably have the same dreaded feelings you have
Remember to look for a positive without feeling pressure
Remember there are many ways to solve a problem, ask others for help
Remember new beginnings give you the permission to change you may need
Dealing with unrealistic expectations
"I want my mom to be like she was"
Change is the only certainty, and as we age it is certain to be difficult. Taking the time to sort out our feelings can save much pain and heartache. It is normal to long for the good old days and the person you loved as a child. It is not normal to actually believe those things can be recreated. When you cling to the notion much will and can go wrong.
There is a term called helicopter parenting, it is hovering over a child to the point of taking away the child's identity. Now consider helicopter care of your own parent. Many adult children are placed in the position of becoming the parental figure for their own mother or father, a complicated and emotional place to be. Frequently the role is so overwhelming the child begins to helicopter and before too long the older adult is compromised and dependent.
It is good to care, but it is not good to expect perfection from anyone, not even yourself. Consider the identity being jeopardized and how your expectations are placing unnecessary burdens on your mother or father and moreover how the helicopter caring is sabotaging any professional help you may be seeking. The answer is honesty and teamwork. If you are feeling sad or lost in the role of caregiver talk about those feelings and accept help from the professionals who have the knowledge and experience to deal with the situation.
Every relationship is unique and every individual has personal needs, we understand that and we are eager to hear what you have to say. Try coming to the caregiver luncheon the third Wednesday every month, it just may be what you need. Call Margaret at 8477422255 for more information and to make a reservation.